Breaking down

I'm sorry that this happened
I never wanted it to.
But it did.
I hate my heart
I hate it for everything it has EVER done to me
I thought 2010 would be different
I thought i learned control
Clearly I was wrong.
I don't even know if i'm worth it anymore
Like really what on earth do i have to offer to anyone?
My confidence is lower than low.
It may not come off that way but it does
And every little hit that i take tears it down even more
There's not much lower it can go
I lie to myself constantly
Hoping that someone will see my pain and want to help me
Someone will think i'm worth it and see beyond the stupid naive girl
Someone will want me for me in my entirety
But my rap sheet isn't great so far.
2009: 11 close friends LOST
The people i spent every day with for anywhere from 8 years to 2 years.
Just dropped me
How can that feel good?
How can anyone get over that pain so easily
I haven't healed from that
I thought maybe i had but i guess not
and the newest loss brings it ALL back
and makes it so much worse
I just don't understand
Please someone help me!
Why do i constantly get myself in these situations?
Why can't i find a good true friend or a good true guy?
Everyone i've known has used and abused me and then thrown me out for trash.
My heart has been clawed out of my chest, ripped to pieces, put back in, torn back out, ran over by a car, eaten by a dog, put through a shredder, then put back in again.
Can you blame me for over reacting?
I try and just let go, move on
it doesn't work, i wish my brain worked like that.
But it doesn't so i'm sorry for the way i act but that's me and it won't change.
I've been through so much shit that i can't trust that you'll continue to be a good friend
Why would you?
No one has before.
This is my life
and i hate it.